Dear Ben

FB75C9A8-31CA-43EB-A8CA-AE1E45154BECWell Son, it’s been 2 years. Two years, and it still seems like yesterday. I wonder if it will always be this way? I hope so, and I hope not all at the same time. There hasn’t been one day that’s passed that I haven’t mentioned your name. You are still my first and last thought everyday.

I still tend your grave; but maybe not as much as I use to, and I  feel guilty about that. Samantha and I will be putting up your Christmas tree next week, I still can’t believe that we have to share Christmas with you this way.

As is your style you made it twice as hard as it needed to be. Having taken your own life on Thanksgiving , those of us who lost you have 2 days to mourn and miss you each November; the 23rd and whatever day Thanksgiving falls on that year. In your sarcastic words, “thanks for that”.

Your sister and I have decided not to do Thanksgiving for a while, which is so ironic since you always said it was your favorite holiday. Which I never understood, everyone knows Christmas is better.

If someone told me I could go back to the day you were born and start all over but that it would still end the same way, I would do it! I would do it over and over because the love, laughter and times we had together as a family was all worth the pain we must feel now.

I love you so much son! Always have and always will!!

Love, Mom

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