Hindsight

It’s been almost a year, and as any parent in my position knows, you spend a lot of time wondering where it went wrong.
Hindsight is 20/20, and I can look back and see many decisions I wish I had made differently. Most, if not all, were made with much thought, and many were a “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”situation.
I could sit and list all my mistakes, but I wouldn’t know where to stop! But honestly, I think that’s true with every parent and every child. Most mistakes do not end with this result.
One in “mistake” particular that bothers me is allowing him to be put on ADD/ADHD medication. If I could go back in time, this would be one of the very first mistakes I wouldn’t make!
Ben was prescribed Adderall when he was in 4th grade. Every morning he would put on his glasses and take his pill. I don’t remember the exact timeline but at some point that year he started hearing and seeing things.
In the beginning I just blew it off, thinking he was being silly. He was a mischievous little boy after all.
But, one day while we were driving down the road, he told me he heard a voice just whisper in his ear that he hates God. Shocked is not a strong enough word to describe how I felt! I had never let my kids watch movies involving demons, devils etc. I’m not particularly religious, but I don’t see how any good comes from that stuff. So, I just didn’t allow it.

I asked him if the voice in his head was like imagination?
He said no it was outside his ear and it was just like if a person had done it.
Needless to say, I took him back to the dr and said he is having hallucinations and I need him to get off of that stuff!
I never let him take another of what I would call a “mind altering pill” after that. But I can’t help but wonder if that played a roll in his death.
As parents who have lost a child like I lost Ben, did you ever allow them to take any ADD/ADHD medicine, and do you wonder if it played a roll?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s